Wednesday, August 27, 2008

This is too funny.

This following extract is taken from an American who moved to Dubai earlier last year...

April 30th:
Just got transferred to work and live in beautiful Dubai, UAE! WOW!!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It's like New York City minus all the crocks, murderers, and drunks. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on my beautiful bedroom verandah. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

May 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 95 degrees today. Not a problem. Live in an air- conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car, and everything is fully air-conditioned. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

May 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today around our lovely pool. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here. Heat is no problem at all.

June 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 95 all week even during the night. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 90% of my body. Missed 5 days of work. What a dumb thing to do in this lovely city. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
Kitty (our cat) sneaked into the car when I left for the office. By the time I got to the hot car for my lunch break, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $60,000 Audi. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant hair dryer in here!!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner died. The damn AC repairman charged 500 Dirhams just to drive over and tell me it was broken in damn Hindu English or some language that I couldn't understand.

July 30th:
Air conditioner still broken. Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now because it is 7000 damn degrees inside. Bloody 2,000,000 Dirhams house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Damn the sun. Damn the wind. Damn the freakin' ocean. And damn locals walk around dressed in white tablecloths followed by little black female ninjas. Damn crazy town.

August 4th:
It's 114 damn degrees today. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed. It cost 2,000 Dirhams and got the temperature down to 25, but the damn humidity makes the house feel 30 damn Dubai degrees. Stupid terrorist repairman. I hate this stupid damn place.

August 8th:
If another local wiseass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to whack him all the way back to his goddamn desert. Damn Dubai; by the time I get to work with all that damn traffic and heat, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like a baked cat!!!

August 9th:
Tried to run some errands today because it is Friday. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in my Audi. The seat was so damn hot I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my damn ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and a baked cat.

August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot, humid and sunny. Hot, humid and damn sunny. Hot, humid and damn sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman dude wearing the damn white tablecloth on TV says it might really warm up next week. Does it ever rain in this damn place? What is next, a hell freezing over wave?

August 14th:
WELCOME TO HELL!!! Temperature got to 120 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my Audi. The damn Audi serviceman said, 'Hot enough for you today?' Damn him and damn the Audi. My wife had to spend the 7,000 Dirham to bail my a** out of jail for assaulting that stupid Paki bast***. Damn Dubai! What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live in this shit hole?

August 15th: (Independence Day ?)
Damn this place. I'm off back to New York

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